Control Connoisseur Gifts

"If I can control everyone around me it would help my damaged self esteem."

"JB wears many hats. He just can't delegate"

"I'm a huge proponent of control over speed."

'Would you say you are a very controlling person?'

"You'd better not be thinking about using that remote during my show!"

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

'Why is it he never understands sit , stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

S**t Threw a Goose

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Satis Factory Tour

Moliere

Charles Dickens.

C Day Lewis.

Bleak House

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

At the McWit Eye Labs are two doors, 'Control Group' and 'Out of Control Group.'

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

'Don't worry Sir, being colour-blind is not much of a problem around here...'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

'To you it may contain 'a surfeit of soluble, optically active carbohydrates derives from higher alcohols'. To me, it's sweet.'

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

Sergei Rachmaninov

A butcher's counter is divided between 'delicious,' 'not bad' and 'edible.'

"What kind of moviemaking do we want to reinforce?"

"These instructions are useless. Keep up the good work."

In need of a wash...

"You should feel honoured. I don't sue anyone."