Contemporary Classicist Gifts

Primavera (Spring)

"What next?"

A Symphony of Penguins

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Venus

'Where was the TSA?'

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

Archimedes statue with a lever

Mozart on a computer,

Playdough's The Republic

"I think someone's trying to play games with us."

A surprise in heaven

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

'Why can't we just kick Caesar upstairs?'

"I miss the Augean stables."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

'Not even close man - easy listening's around the corner.'

'The classic masks of Comedy and Tragedy, or as they're now known, emoticons.'

Tragedy/Schadenfreude

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'Caesar salad?'

"The sign ruins our surprise attack, but it's a big OSHA fine if we don't have it."

Sisyphus and coronavirus

'10,000 years and no one's improved on the idea of meat on a stick!'

"I've been reading a book of famous quotations. It's amazing how many are by a famous Greek named Anonymous."

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

Souvenirs.

"Is there a way to disable Narcissus' self-view?"

Bedtime in Ancient Greece

Take a break, Archimedes. A nice soak in the bath will work wonders.

"Hail, Caesar! The barbarians have been beaten back, and Rome is still Numero Uno."

Romans.

Paris, 1922, George Gershwin and Franz Kafka try to write a musical.

'Oi! Man is not a political animal in here!'

Gustav Holst