Constructive Communicator Gifts

Suggestions box: Constructive and Abusive

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

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Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

Wordplay: Export.

I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

"Mom, come quick. Dad's in a stupor."

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'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

"Go on, say it again, 'I love you' in Armadillo."

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

"Don't judge me until you've walked a mile on my medication."

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'Of course, this social contract will have to remain hypothical until someone invents writing.'

"We'll less than two metres again, don't know where, don't know when..."

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

"I pick up on people's pain, Alexander. What's wrong?"

Time for speeches

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

"I appreciate succinct memos, Phillips, but stop writing them all in Haiku!"

'Actually, when I asked you to bring something fresh to the table, I was talking about ideas!'

Candor is the Best Policy

"I've found my voice, Penny. It's deep, wise, and compassionate."

'I'm dropping you a lion.'

"They're on a silent retreat."

The Curse of Rhadamanthus (For Pete's Sake)

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'