Candid Communicator Gifts

Ed's Restaurant - Closed. Get Over It

'We're all going to die...get over it!'

Candor is the Best Policy

"I was wondering if I could have tomorrow off because you make me sick."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Direct Marketing...

"Mom, come quick. Dad's in a stupor."

Target your message

I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

Wordplay: Export.

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

"So I'm like, doesn't anyone speak proper English any more?"

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

Give way - 'Oh, alright then...'

'Of course, this social contract will have to remain hypothical until someone invents writing.'

By teaching the parrot a few key phrases, Marilyn no longer needs to nag her kids.

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

Time for speeches

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

Just a little heads up!

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

The Weather Channel. We're looking for someone who can talk up a storm.

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

"I appreciate succinct memos, Phillips, but stop writing them all in Haiku!"

'Actually, when I asked you to bring something fresh to the table, I was talking about ideas!'

Communication

The Curse of Rhadamanthus (For Pete's Sake)

'Don't jump. It's a book publisher!'

"I'm just posting something to my wall."

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"They're on a silent retreat."