Candid Conversations Gifts

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

Very Difficult Conversations

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Correct Comics *Drawn By A Vegetarian On Acid-Free Recycled Paper In A Drug-Free Environment

"How about a hand."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

"...and those are my deepest, most intimate feelings about our friendship."

Dialogue

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

A lesson in wit

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Young girl asks young boy what time he wakes in the morning

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

Candor is the Best Policy

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"The first week back is always the hardest"

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"The only thing that still works well for me is hysteria."

"I find it a very good conversation starter."

'Sorry, what was that?'

'And what do you do for a living Gary?' 'I'm a Puppeteer.'

'Is it just me, or is it REALLY temperate in here?'

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'