Construction Satire Gifts

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Frankly, I prefer the monkey's plans.'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

The leaning tower of Pizza.

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

'I can count on one hand the number of contracts that I didn't finish on time.'

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

Stone henge swing.

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

Man looking at sign that reads 'Hord Wark' and says: "I can't put that up. It's too much like hard work."

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

"No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants."

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

'That's gonna be a big job, boss.'

Is the heating contractor mad about something? He just needs space to vent?

I like going across the frame of this solar energy facility we're building. I'm waling on a sunbeam!

I need a 10 foot board. That's 70 feet in dog feet.

Private work adjustments

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

"Like THAT's ever going to work!"

Scaffolding being put together by glue.

"Is this your first bricklaying job, Kevin...?"

"Is it really necessary to shout 'Nailed it!' every time you hammer a nail?"

'Remind me to tell the crane driver to bring a flask tomorrow.'

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'