Construction Comedy Gifts

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

Scaffolding being put together by glue.

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

"Like THAT's ever going to work!"

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

Bricklayers Union.

"Elvis has left the building site."

"We could have been here sooner, but we wanted to wait until the beautiful Yellow Brick Road was built."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Masonry robot, what are you doing?'

Lumber Yard. Luxury Homes! Some Assembly Required.

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

Building a better America - Financing by The Bank of China.

"Frosty the Repairman"

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'I can count on one hand the number of contracts that I didn't finish on time.'

"And nobody noticed the crease in the blueprint?"

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

Stone henge swing.

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

Man looking at sign that reads 'Hord Wark' and says: "I can't put that up. It's too much like hard work."

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

"No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants."

Dominoes

"It was going to be a high-rise office building. But after three bricks, they ran out of money."

Fred began to understand why this kit house was so cheap.

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.