Construction Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"Sure my first quote was less. That was before I found the body in the wall."

'I thought YOU reinforced the concrete!'

' While I'm waiting for the jackhammer to get me out of here can you fetch me a double-bacon-cheeseburger and large fries?!'

"He can't bear working on yellow teeth."

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

'At least you know exactly where you stand with a builder like Jack.'

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on." (Colour)

"You having a hard time finding qualified workers?"

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Masonry robot, what are you doing?'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'I can count on one hand the number of contracts that I didn't finish on time.'

Building a better America - Financing by The Bank of China.

"Frosty the Repairman"

"And nobody noticed the crease in the blueprint?"

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

Stone henge swing.

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

Man looking at sign that reads 'Hord Wark' and says: "I can't put that up. It's too much like hard work."

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

"No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants."

Dominoes

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

Fred began to understand why this kit house was so cheap.

"It was going to be a high-rise office building. But after three bricks, they ran out of money."

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''