Construction Humor Gifts

"Thank God he was wearing a safety helmet."

'What happened to that loaf I got from the baker?'

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Masonry robot, what are you doing?'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

Building a better America - Financing by The Bank of China.

"Frosty the Repairman"

"And nobody noticed the crease in the blueprint?"

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

Stone henge swing.

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

Man looking at sign that reads 'Hord Wark' and says: "I can't put that up. It's too much like hard work."

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

"No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants."

Dominoes

"It was going to be a high-rise office building. But after three bricks, they ran out of money."

Fred began to understand why this kit house was so cheap.

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

Builders build a property that has a crease in it like the design plan.

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

NASA realized too late that there was intelligent life on this newly discovered planet.