Construction Satire Pillows

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Frankly, I prefer the monkey's plans.'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

The leaning tower of Pizza.

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

'I can count on one hand the number of contracts that I didn't finish on time.'

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

Dave, determined to go green by using only solar powered tools, will hereafter check weather reports before making bids.

Stone henge swing.

Man looking at sign that reads 'Hord Wark' and says: "I can't put that up. It's too much like hard work."

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

"No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants."

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

'That's gonna be a big job, boss.'

Private work adjustments

I need a 10 foot board. That's 70 feet in dog feet.

Scaffolding being put together by glue.

"Is this your first bricklaying job, Kevin...?"

'He thinks we're watering down the cement.'

'Remind me to tell the crane driver to bring a flask tomorrow.'

'I baked it especially for you.'