Architecture Satirist Gifts

The leaning tower of Pizza.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

Convenience.

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Art Gallery.

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'Secondhand smoke.'

Town Planning Department

'If the GPC built office blocks!'

"Now on view: Old paintings by dead white men through whenever…"

"You've once said about your work, 'Meow, meow-meow, meeeow.' What did you mean by that?"

'Oh, I think I know exactly what the artist is saying. He's saying; 'With a bit of luck, some idiot will buy this junk'!'

'I'm really a painter and decorator - I only do this to pay the bills.'

Model Village/Realistic Model Village.

'Design brief.'

"Postmodern irony, right? - the creativity is in the price."

" 'Perceptual and kinetic art have an intertwined development that cannot be totally disentangled; nevertheless perceptual, optical, or "virtual" movement—which always exists in tension with factual immobility—is an experience of a different order.' "

This is our proposal for your new housing development. We've chosen to call it The Meadows.

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

Fire Escapes

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

Woman uses birds to help her believe she has lost weight.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Discobolus

"We're going to cut out the expensive, boring stiff and just build the top."

A giant ape struggles to climb twin towers.

'We did have a house in your bracket, but we sold it in 1932.'

"I hate these tower blocks. . ."

"It's the co-op board!"

'And the 4th bedroom?'

"I'll miss drawing you, Bill Clinton."

"Well one step down from our 'Luxury Executive Mansion' is our 'crap terrace with outside loo'."