Connoisseur Of Choices Gifts

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

S**t Threw a Goose

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

Satis Factory Tour

Moliere

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

'Now I'm going to lump all your nagging little worries into one big complex.'

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Bleak House

Charles Dickens.

C Day Lewis.

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

Man reading the title of an all white painting at an art gallery.

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

"What kind of take-out are you in the mood for: overpriced or overrated?"

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

"Sorry we're taking so long, but it's the first time he's ever seen a menu that didn't offer a happy meal."

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

Sergei Rachmaninov

'Don't look now, but Cain and Abel messed up your 'Natural Selection' program.'

A butcher's counter is divided between 'delicious,' 'not bad' and 'edible.'

'She's going to six different psychiatrists for her compulsive comparison shopping problem.'

'You've got to help me, Doc -- I keep switching long-distance companies!'

"I don't know - none of these cookies offer an engaging brand narrative."

"What kind of moviemaking do we want to reinforce?"

"Don't worry, she's still alcohol aware."