Menu Connoisseur Gifts

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"Sorry we're taking so long, but it's the first time he's ever seen a menu that didn't offer a happy meal."

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

Cafeteria - "Today's special is yesterday's catch of the day."

"What kind of take-out are you in the mood for: overpriced or overrated?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"I come here for the pepper."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Full English Breakfast.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Regular service or affected?"

this bordeaux speaks for itself

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

"Quick swig first?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"Both the wine and I need to breathe, Albert."

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'