Restaurant Connoisseur Gifts

"Do you have a reservation?"

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"Yes everything's fine. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I've added eighteen percent to your bill because it's more than fifteen percent."

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."

Bird Bar and Grill.

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

Fish food.

'I'm sorry Sir, we don't do 'grub''.

Golfer reads club sign pointing to restaurant, swimming pool, obstacle course.

Hi, my name's Pam and I'll be your paramedic for the evening.

tough steak

"I'll start with a tall glass of O positive."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"I think I need an extra pillow."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Wifi in Hell

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"I come here for the pepper."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Hats and Food

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Yummy Mummies

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Full English Breakfast.

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'