Conniving Co-worker Gifts

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

Polly txt speak

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"Women Supporting Women!"

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Golfing Boss

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

Do Not Resuscitate

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

Team Leader

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'