Co-worker Gifts

Way too General Practitioner

"All work and no play makes you a valued employee."

Office Ergonomics.

'Will you shut up, Sims? I'm busy trying to upgrade my interpersonal skills.'

"I miss the old days."

"Your report just tells me what I already know. Good work. I hate surprises."

'Is this the smoking area?'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

Surprise Party

"He's working from home today."

'Adjuster of the Year' reads a Sports Illustrated at his desk that has two boxes, 'Claims Denied' and 'Claims Paid.' The first has an over flowing stack of paper in it, the other a single sheet of paper.

'This unexpectedly concludes tonight's program -- the sponsor bailed out.'

'Can I thank everybody for their attention, I think we're finished.'

Office Competitions

'The new guy is great for morale, but he's clueless about the dress code.'

"Very well put, Harper."

'No Jenkins! I said we need to start using the Cloud! The C-L-O-U-D!'

'I've used up all my sick-leave. I'm going to have to call in dead!'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'Why can't you just use the microwave like everyone else?'

"Perhaps you're right. Maybe we should upgrade our computer system."

'He's like a blister. Only appears when the work is finished.'

'I found it to be the kind of book that once you put it down you never want to pick it up again.'

'The worst part about menopause was having to ask my husband's advice on blade vs electric shaver.'

'The good news is I don't have to work in a cubicle anymore. The bad news is...'

"Do you know what your problem is, Duane? You're too full of yourself!"

"Any improvement since I brought the balloon?"

'Do HMO's really give you extra benefits?' 'Sure †they add insult to injury.'

"What, never seen a person without a camera take a selfie before?"

'You must be the new guy, huh?'

'Well I'M willing to put this unfortunate incident behind us.'

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"Cleaning the fridge weekly instead of monthly is a very good idea."