Co-worker Gifts

Way too General Practitioner

"All work and no play makes you a valued employee."

'Will you shut up, Sims? I'm busy trying to upgrade my interpersonal skills.'

Office Ergonomics.

"Your report just tells me what I already know. Good work. I hate surprises."

"I miss the old days."

'Is this the smoking area?'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

Surprise Party

"He's working from home today."

'Adjuster of the Year' reads a Sports Illustrated at his desk that has two boxes, 'Claims Denied' and 'Claims Paid.' The first has an over flowing stack of paper in it, the other a single sheet of paper.

Office Competitions

'Can I thank everybody for their attention, I think we're finished.'

"Alexa give me one reason to get out of bed today."

'The new guy is great for morale, but he's clueless about the dress code.'

'This unexpectedly concludes tonight's program -- the sponsor bailed out.'

'Any questions regarding our financial incentive program?'

"Very well put, Harper."

'No Jenkins! I said we need to start using the Cloud! The C-L-O-U-D!'

'I've used up all my sick-leave. I'm going to have to call in dead!'

How to deal with rude customers.

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'Why can't you just use the microwave like everyone else?'

'I found it to be the kind of book that once you put it down you never want to pick it up again.'

'The worst part about menopause was having to ask my husband's advice on blade vs electric shaver.'

'The good news is I don't have to work in a cubicle anymore. The bad news is...'

'He's like a blister. Only appears when the work is finished.'

"Perhaps you're right. Maybe we should upgrade our computer system."

'Well I'M willing to put this unfortunate incident behind us.'

'Your hearing aid is on back order five months. In the meantime, pass these out to your family, friends and co-workers.'

'Please stop... I'm getting motion sickness.'

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'

"Any improvement since I brought the balloon?"

'Do HMO's really give you extra benefits?' 'Sure †they add insult to injury.'

Downloading personal items on the company laptop.