Sarcastic Co-worker Gifts

"Can you ring back in five? He's power-cr*pping right now."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Golfing Boss

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Dogs and their thoughts

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

Dog selling toilet water on front lawn

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"He excels at putting out fires."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'