Sympathetic Coworker Gifts

'Thank you for coming...I'll be ok...grief is the price we pay for love...'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

To determine which department would be awarded the Billings contract, employees agreed to play a best-of-five dodgeball tournament.

"Have I complimented you on marketing's renewed team spirit?"

'Wow, I sure got a lot of mail today!'

'Jenkins, about these coffee breaks of yours...'

'We'd like to show you our appreciation of your many years of dedicated service to this company...But first we need to know what your name is and what it is you do around here!'

Dog's game

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

Social Notworking

"Let's try one with your hand tucked into your shirt."

'I warned you about eating at your desk. The Board of Health impounded your keyboard.'

"His life was hanging by a thread, and then somebody fed him the bean burrito."

"They got rid of 'work from home,' so I pushed for 'blanket forts from office.'"

"Too much caffeine for Mr. Hopper"

"Every time he elbow bumps me, he hits my funny bone on purpose."

'All right, who's been sitting on the copier again?'

Health and safety nightmare.

'It's not your work, Hannon - it's your attitude.'

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

"Whinge, whinge whinge! Would it kill you to crack a smile? It's no wonder they call you Mona!"

"If any of you guys out there have lost your jobs, need some help and are struggling to cope, call me. I can't do anything, but it makes me feel better about my own shitty life."

Office Crush

Pneumatic seat raised through roof.

'Now look what you've done!! You've aggravated my CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME!!'

"Larry goes out of his way to get along with difficult employees!"

"I enjoy the pearls of folksy wisdom as much as the next guy, but what, exactly, does he do around here?"

'Reading the want ads? No, they just happened to be on the same page as this fascinating story on...um...cosmetics.'

'Well, there's plague in town, everyone will believe you if you pull a sickie...'

"There, now you can stop asking me what the password is!"

"Is the information fresh?"

'I'm sorry, but we did all we could to try and save your husband, Mrs. Doornail.'

"Oh look, my cat followed me to work."

STRIP Hambone: Memory loss