Sarcastic Colleague Gifts

'Get me everything on scapegoats.'

"You're the laziest guy I have seen in my entire working life!"

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Bureau of the Damned

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

'It's from my staff...make sure it's not carnivorous.'

Course 'Management Skills and Employee Motivation', 09 AM - 05 PM, No breaks!

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

Didn't we fire you last week?

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

"This one is less distracting."

"I knew I should never have left you in charge of the rubber bands!"

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'It's not your work, Hannon - it's your attitude.'

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

'To be honest, I'm having trouble keeping up with all this new technology.'

It's too cold...the boss is a jerk...my feet hurt.

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

'It seems that my advice wasn't the only thing he could do without.'

"See that yard with the garden gnomes and the idiot waxing his Nissan Cube? That's your bathroom."

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

"I think I'd be better at leading if I could yell louder."

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

Oh, for Pete's sake take some this medicine. You're useless, but at least it will make your COUGH more productive!

'Believe me, McFarland, I can appreciate a man who marches to the beat of a different Drum, but you don't march, you boogie!'

'Don't mention the piece of onion on his chin, or the custard on his tie.'

"Don't let the new boss catch you having a cigarette break...there's a rumour he watches his staff like a hawk!"