Connected Meditator Gifts

'Yep, I'm alone.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

Yoga with Baby

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"You wait nine months for a vaccine then three arrive all at once."

"I decided to get comfortable...we have a lot to talk about."

"Avoid sitting."

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

"I'm hoping to sell my startup - a chain of fast-food meditation centers - to Google for seven figures."

"The alarm will alert us when our meditative, present-moment-restoring tech break has ended."

"My koan is to comprehend the sound of one hand clapping."

"I accept the cookies I cannot change."

www.meditation.commm

"I'm going on a retreat."

I didn't ask you to undress so I could examine you. I asked you to undress because it's essential to the doctor-patient relationship that I be fully clothed and you be sitting there in your underwear."

'Our Community Mental Health Foundation has given us a grant NOT to broadcast the stock market news.'

'Actually I'm meditating on a bizarre anime that I saw last night.'

Virtual reality guru.

'Just when you think you've reached the final awareness, they send another update.'

Zen Buddhist Diary

The real reason we have natural disasters...

"Instead of chanting 'Aum' can I keep texting 'Good Morning?'"

'Just in case I forget it, I keep my mantra on my Ipod.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings?'

"I don't think you'll still be that 'Zen' when I tell you someone's nicked your cheese and pickle sandwich from the fridge."

Dot Om.

'Oh my gosh, this is terrific! I just tuned in satellite radio.'

"Make it quick Carl, I've gotta 'be present' in about text minutes."

'Are you sure about this? -- Enlightenment isn't for sissies.'

The Power of Fatalistic Thinking.

I Wish For More Nights Like This...

"This meditation program really helps you get in touch with nature."