Conflict Comedians Gifts

"Sometimes I think you guys don't want peace."

"Ready!... Aim!..." Democrats

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

War 2023

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

What? I had to fire our flare gun at him before he fired his flare gun at us!

"Great news, things are looking up in Iraq!"

"Three more classes and I get my belt."

'You're so illogical. I can never win an argument with you.'

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

Minnesota Weather.

"Hold on, I'll make that coffee to go!"

Toy Soldiers - Toy Human Shield

'How'd the negotiations go? Take a wild guess.'

Ukraine Crisis

'Want to have a snow ball battle?'

"This is a much better war then the war to end all wars."

Banana Midlife Crisis

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

'You need to say more about the war than just 'oops'.'

"I wasn't honking at you! Isn't it obvious I was honking at the guy 10 cars ahead of you?"

Police taking pizzas from crashed pizza delivery bike.

"Do you have anything fit for a King?"

The peace process.

"I love the smell of unmitigated quagmire in the morning."

"I had a bad review, so I'm only a 3-1/2 star general."

"Being vague and general?" "No, that's the first law of psychics, I want the law of phsics."

You've renamed your small coffee? It's called a big now. That's absurd! It's the same size - the smallest size! It's marketing hooey! Why not call this napkin a scone?! Careful. Huh? Brilliant! Sale on scones! Oh dear.

'Knee him in the groin - it always works.'

Peace Under Siege

'Weren't they the ones who had wished for world peace?'

"Thank heavens I saved my teddy bear... he brings me good luck."

"Armageddon-hotline, please select your current fer from our menu. . ."

'When he said he loved going to Wendy's, I just assumed fast food...'