Conference Snoozer Gifts

I'd like to thank you all for coming. I'll be making a brief statement and then taking only a few questions. I'm sure you're all anxious to know why I've called you here today. Zzzz.

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

Finger on the Z Key

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

Don't you hate...

The Sleeping Congregation.

I do want you to have a role in the group,but I wasn't thinking of 'the bloke who sits at the back eating biscuits and having a bit of a nap'.

"Damn! I keep waking up in the middle of the day."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'Looks like we missed the chairman's powerpoint presentation, then...'

"If you don't wake up and get to work, I'm going to call your mom."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

Sleeping at the computer.

'Tommy falls asleep in class.'

'The nurses tell me that you're having trouble sleeping, so I thought I'd try a sermon just to help.'

Computing in the Cloud

"Oh, wow! 4:30!! I slept all day again!"

'...and blessed be our new church nursery, which allows certain congregation members to catch up on their sleep during my sermon.'

'Would you like seating in snoring or non-snoring?'

The sermon was so boring the Preacher put himself to sleep.

Good luck with all the revision!!!

Fortunately the Pastor didn't realize it, but his wife's new 'mod' hat was actually a clever disguise for two canisters of coffee.

'He's started jogging to work.'

I was awake all last night. Me, too. I'm exhausted. Ditto!! Thank heavens for work. And for today's staff meeting! It's the only place I can sleep!

8 AM in the sleeper elevator car

'With the possible exception of my husband, we all enjoyed your sermon, Reverend.'

"I will assume she would second the motion to adjourn."

"You snored through the whole motivational seminar."

"I don't know if a nap is part of God's plan for me."

The only time students were even slightly awake during Professor McDrone's class was when the custodian vacuumed.

"This next one's for anyone out there who might still be awake."

"I hate it when they have a day off work: we can't sneak up and nap on the couch..."

"This is all very boring..."

"This is your wake-up cal.....Oh, sorry! Wrong room!"