Conference Call Cardio Gifts

'If I have to be at these boring meetings, I might as well get something out of it.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Inclusive speech

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"I'll get my 10,000 steps in tonight!"

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

Executive Asks Death To Wait

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

"Go ahead—unmute yourself."

'And in conclusion.'

Business coach hiding in speach desk.

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'Let me present today's speaker.'

Communication Breakdowns

Office worker on desert island on cell phone: 'No, I haven't seen the minutes.'

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'And now over to Mike for the video presentation...Mike?...Mike?'

'Pick a business card.'

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"....which brings me to number one: Thinking inside the box."

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

'Assuming present trends continue, the odds are quite good that we'll become the best-informed extinct species on the planet!'

The facilitator from hell.

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'