Condo Philosophers Gifts

The Old Woman in the shoe questions her decision to spend her empty-nest years in a condo at a ski resort.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

"So that's where you were last night."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"If Einstein is correct, when we get back, my car will have been double parked for 320 years."

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

Why is it the universe keeps expanding but there's never any room in my closet?

Jay McInerney

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

"What if we don't like their country personas?"

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

"Great pet, but we should have given him less energy."

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

"So what books didn't you get around to reading during lockdown?"

Art Museum vs Refrigerator Artwork

"Tuesday is my day off - leave a message..."

Dare to Soar. Believe. Dream. Live Simply. One Day at a Time. I think we need a platitude adjustment.

Today's dream house is nothing if not a fantasy.

"...umm, when was the last time somebody cleaned the fridge?!"

Respected cartoon couple, Elmo and Merle Blinkwhistle, take a little time out each day to gather their thoughts.

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

Beditation: "I am at one with the duvet."

'Which would be cheaper, let bullies continue to take my lunch money or take karate lessons?'

'Nothing to do? Why don't you read the refrigerator.'