Conchologist Gifts

"Of course he's home. He's a snail."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Our war is against cancer."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'But what is the universe for?'

Polluted geese

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

God Sneezes Out Creation

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

Martha Stewart Takes Over The Universe

'Son, it's time we had that little talk about ornithology and entomology.'

Sundial Time

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

"I know we got early to catch him...but he looks so cute I just can't eat him!"

Woodpecker carving pumpkins

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I told you teamwork was the key to success...'

Geese's Thoughts.

The Origins of Everything

"One!...Two!...Now spread those tail feathers..."

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

Espresso Martini Peacock

'I know that our nesting area is somewhere around here?'