Clinical Connoisseur Gifts

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

"We interrupt this advertisement to bring you another advertisement that has just been rushed to the studio."

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

Moliere

"But you both can't be the 'father' of Ammonium Pentoxide Phosphate."

Charles Dickens.

C Day Lewis.

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

Bleak House

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

"...and we plan to offer it as a scarce and valuable product."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"And now a word from our sponsors...ratings."

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

A railway station covered in advertising.

"My phone is my cosmetic advisor. If the facial recognition doesn't work, I know I'm wearing too much makeup."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"Which one of these things is the soap?"

'Botox so soon, Master?'

"Wow! You need professional help."

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

Man reading the title of an all white painting at an art gallery.

'I want a campaign that will fol some of the people some of the time and all of the people all of the time.'

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

'With all these new surveillance cameras around town, I'm not going anywhere without full-make-up.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.