Health Connoisseur Gifts

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, Doctor scared by apples,

'Could you ask the dentist if it's okay for me to use my own spitton?'

Corporate Liposuction, Inc.: 'A leaner, meaner company, or your money back!'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Be Healthy

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"