Computer Confidant Pillows

"I think it hates me!"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

Time for tea and friendship.

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"Your love gives me strength."

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Personal Assistants.

Spa Dog

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

'These computer viruses are getting more and more powerful.'

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

With his mothers persuasion, Joe decided to 'come clean' to the police!

"He's anxious to resume perpetrating his usual activities."

Computer whisperer.

'My wife doesn't understand us.'

"Glen, I'm not just your editor. I'm also your best friend, and I'm telling you, lose the cat."