Cheerful Confidant Pillows

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

Time for tea and friendship.

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"Your love gives me strength."

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"I think I can". (train)

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

Personal Assistants.

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

Spa Dog

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"He's anxious to resume perpetrating his usual activities."

Wearing bras in 2020.

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

With his mothers persuasion, Joe decided to 'come clean' to the police!

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

"Glen, I'm not just your editor. I'm also your best friend, and I'm telling you, lose the cat."

'My wife doesn't understand us.'

"I suppose it's 'Empty Nest Syndrome', doctor. . . ever since Amber left for college I've felt so empty!"

"I know she's only pretending to throw the ball but I still run for it."

"So tell me, what exactly does fear smell like?"

"I'm not sure if my name is sit, stay, or get off the couch!"

"I think I'm a big dog."

'Okay, I promise I won't shout at you, because you're on the couch.'