Complaint Manager Gifts

Man at complaints window gets redirected to the next window.

Customer Services - Ten complaints or less.

"I've got your letter in front of me now."

Man at desk says: 'Bloke here wants to complain about our complaints procedure.'

'Your job will be to stand in there and say 'So what?''

'Well, I'm not leaving until I speak to that little weasel.'

'Didn't this used to be the complaint department?'

Complaints Department

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

'I don't have any specific complaints -- could I just stand here and moan a little?'

All You Can Complain, $4.95

The ombudsman

Complaints Dept

Customer Disservice

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Complaints Desk

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

Awkward customers.

'Of course I care, madam!'

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."