Complaints Handling Gifts

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

Complaints Desk

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

"I said FETCH! Not KVETCH!"

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

Awkward customers.

'Of course I care, madam!'

Ryanair refunds

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

'Your security system works too well!'

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

Customer Service. I only handle complaints -- What you have is a beef?

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

Customer Service - 'No - I demand to speak to your real manager!'

"Look, I'm always happy to help customers with their problems. But you're talking to the wrong idiot."

Complaints department.