Complaints Handling Gifts

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

Complaints Desk

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

Awkward customers.

'Of course I care, madam!'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

Customer Service - 'No - I demand to speak to your real manager!'

"Well, I have arranged the pick-up of your shipment, sir. Do you already want to raise the complaint about the miscarriage, sir?"

"Look, I'm always happy to help customers with their problems. But you're talking to the wrong idiot."

'-and remember,Higgins-it's the fault that counts!'