Complaint Management Gifts

'I can deal with you in a patronising way or a condescending way or a bit of both?'

"There's absolutely no parking outside."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

Complaints Desk

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

"I said FETCH! Not KVETCH!"

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

Awkward customers.

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

Ryanair refunds

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

'Your security system works too well!'

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

Customer Service. I only handle complaints -- What you have is a beef?

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."