Complaint Department Pro Gifts

"Hold up! I think that's one of their mannequins."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

Complaints Desk

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

Awkward customers.

'Of course I care, madam!'

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

Customer Service - 'No - I demand to speak to your real manager!'

"Look, I'm always happy to help customers with their problems. But you're talking to the wrong idiot."

'-and remember,Higgins-it's the fault that counts!'