Complaint Department Staff Gifts

'Welcome to the Customer Disservice line.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

Awkward customers.

'Of course I care, madam!'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

'I realize working in the Complaints Department can be tough. But it must be a thrill to work with the public on a daily basis.'

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

Customer Service - 'No - I demand to speak to your real manager!'

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

Complaints department.

"Look, I'm always happy to help customers with their problems. But you're talking to the wrong idiot."

"Well, I have arranged the pick-up of your shipment, sir. Do you already want to raise the complaint about the miscarriage, sir?"

'-and remember,Higgins-it's the fault that counts!'

Customer Services - Ten complaints or less.

"Customer complaints are a 'learning' experience... and the first thing you need to learn is how to use the office shredding machine."

Complaints department has an unreachable door handle.