Complaint Handling Gifts

"There, there, now! Perhaps I didn't give it a fair trial."

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

Complaints Desk

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'Last guy that worked here did nothing but complain.'

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"I said FETCH! Not KVETCH!"

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

Awkward customers.

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

Ryanair refunds

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

'Your security system works too well!'

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

Customer Service. I only handle complaints -- What you have is a beef?

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

'You walked through the park to get here, didn't you, Modom?'

'-and remember,Higgins-it's the fault that counts!'

A Dog Who Never Got His Day.