Complaint Extraordinaire Gifts

Faulty Toaster

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Flyfishing for dummies.

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

In, Out, Complain.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

Complaints departement for men and women.

"Don't forget to click 'Reply All.'"

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

A man on a desert island has an inbox and outbox both filled with sand.

'I don't like to complain, Evelyn, but aren't these family reunions getting out of hand?'

'He's sending it back....again! I swear this guy can't get no satisfaction.'

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

'No sir, we're not boarding a flight. My teacher just needs to check my homework in my my dog Sam here, if it wouldn't be too much trouble.'

Moanathon.

"You say that life is suffering, but isn't it also complaining?"

'My expense account isn't what it used to be. So for lunch I'm taking you fishing, and we'll eat what we catch.'

'Anyone can get to school on time if he tries hard enough, Eddie.'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Airline concerns.

'Hello, Room Service?'

'When I said you should complain about your steak I didn't mean whining about it on twitter.'

'Never mind your ideas.. how do you come up with your excuses?'

"Just eat your alphabet soup Harold."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

After eating here for years, I've come down with abdominal pain and fatigue. Oh yeah? Also, irritability, sleep problems, headaches, loss of appetite, inexplicable weight loss, vomiting and constipation. Also, it took me three whole hours to figure out my new Apple watch, so chalk me up for learning difficulties. You're not by chance trying to get in one last lawsuit before Trump deregulates everything, are you? Heavens, no. Just feeling a little lead-poisony is all I'm saying.

'Alice Ferguson can think of more excuses for her golf score! Today it was labor pains!'