Complaint Gifts

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Flyfishing for dummies.

"Whine and cheezed party."

"What a day. I almost lost my smug look of detached superiority."

Complaints Desk

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

'Typical, I hadn't finished complaining about the rain...'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"In what way do you feel you have been unfairly treated?"

'I don't like to complain, Evelyn, but aren't these family reunions getting out of hand?'

"Frankly, I can't really understand why my husband would be referred to as a "Domestic Cat": he does nothing around the house..."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

'This decaf's lousy.'

Bob's whine cellar.

"You say that life is suffering, but isn't it also complaining?"

Awkward customers.

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

'What the hell good are new federal regulations if they don't have teeth?'

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

Medical Bracelet

'Aren't you done yet? This is taking forever! I should have went somewhere else!...'

"I think I speak for all of us."

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

'And I don't appreciate being left on hold,with Motorhead's 'The ace of spades'!'

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

"I wish we had a diary room - someone who would listen to me."

'I'm just going to our front gate for a chunner!'