Complaint Caller Gifts

'You walked through the park to get here, didn't you, Modom?'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Man from refuse department says: 'We'll send you a new wheelie bin, Mrs Trubshaw, there's really no need to 'orchestrate a mass Twitter campaign'.'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Complaints Desk

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

Cast away in a life raft with Dr. Phil.

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"Oh, can't complain, but I do."

"I said FETCH! Not KVETCH!"

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

Awkward customers.

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"You have to follow the guidance on dealing with complaints precisely or else the shredder gets blocked."

Ryanair refunds

'And I don't appreciate being left on hold,with Motorhead's 'The ace of spades'!'

'The food's lousy! The water's too cold! The pond needs cleaning! You should feed us more often!'

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

"I don't get it...my boss once said that he loves animals...just last week he called me 'the laziest dog he did ever see.' But yet he fired me..."

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

Customer Service. I only handle complaints -- What you have is a beef?

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

'Every complaint is a 'learning experience', now we're going to learn how to hide them behind the filing cabinet!'

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

'I know I can handle the complaint department. I've been married for 20 years.'

"I invent things to complain about."

Complaints department.

'-and remember,Higgins-it's the fault that counts!'