Worrier Extraordinaire Gifts

'There's not enough insurance in the world.'

A Hole in the Dike

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

I.T. Fear

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

Nervous Oral Testing

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

Things that go beep in the night.

Separation Anxiety

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"I can't stop thinking about all those available parking spaces back on West Eighty-fifth Street."

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

Concern Chart

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

No Action Comics

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

'Nothing to be alarmed about Mrs.Harvey, kids do this sort of things all the time. I'm sure whatever your Jimmy's gotten lodged up there, we can get it out.'

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

"Oh, great, the warranty is up."

Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder

"This is where I get most of my negative thinking done."

'I can't relax _ I'm worrying about your watch being five minutes slow !'

Golden handshake old redundancy port.

'Someday, son, all this will be divided among your ex-wives.'

"You should make a resolution not to worry about the little things..."

Full Harvest Moon

"I don't feel so good, Tia Carmen."

'If you don't stop worrying...you're going to die.'

The reassurer: the magazine for chronic worriers