Competition Lovers Pillows

'Remember kids, school sports isn't just about winning - it's also about some serious after-school peer domination!'

The Winner's Podium for the Men's High Dive

"If they want it so bad, maybe we should just give it to them."

Judge The Weather

Obedience School Spelling Bee

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Can our software do that?'

Putin and Zelensky

Tension filled the tent.

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson-of-the-board. One of you will be President.' (Men have fencing swords).

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

COWS: Cow Pong

'Competition is good...unless it's too good.'

Fishing Boat Derby

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

'You bought an F-14 equipped with an internal 20 mm vulcan gatling-type paintball gun? I think you might be taking this paintball thing a little too seriously!'

Workplace Shinanigans

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"Look the competition has a big, stupid product. We need a big, stupid product of our own, and we need it now!"

Office Competitions

'What a control freak!'

"I quit."

Big Guys vs Little Guys

Hat Wars.

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

Motivational tip #731: Appeal to their sense of entitlement.

'There goes Finley...turning pro.'

Angels crying because they lost first place to a big butch man

A report on one-upmanship in TV newscasts.

'We're not looking for someone who wants to run with the wolves. We're looking for someone who wants to run over them.'

Rugby Mad.

'I won a prize for being the school swot. I killed more flies than anyone else.'