Competition Fanatic Pillows

Rugby Mad.

'Upgrades? Yes, we've programmed it to excrete a few drops of water if it should lose a chess match. You know - tears.'

Podium finish.

"I'll win this game eventually! tRump always wins!"

"My wife enters every competition going."

National Fat Man Thong Competition

'Let's go! Move it, move it! Finish race!...Man, I hate looky-loos.'

'This is my trophy wife...I won her in a bowling tournament.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"I need to tinkle."

'Can our software do that?'

Putin and Zelensky

Tension filled the tent.

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson-of-the-board. One of you will be President.' (Men have fencing swords).

"It's a jungle out there... and I hear you're an expert."

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

Fishing Boat Derby

'Competition is good...unless it's too good.'

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

'I win!'

Workplace Shinanigans

No Time-Outs Left. Please Help.

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"Look the competition has a big, stupid product. We need a big, stupid product of our own, and we need it now!"

Office Competitions

'What a control freak!'

'Rhea of the Year.'

'There goes Finley...turning pro.'

Big Guys vs Little Guys

A report on one-upmanship in TV newscasts.

Motivational tip #731: Appeal to their sense of entitlement.

'This is our top negotiator's office.'

"I quit."