Compensation Plans Gifts

'He's got quite a crazy new compensation plan! An honest day's work for an honest day's pay!'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

'It's a treasure map.'

'This is your lucky day!'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"You should probably pass if they offer stock options."

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

"If I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!"

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

'There are some subjects that are off limits...CEO bonuses...Overtime pay...Business ethics...'

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

'I want to talk to all the king's lawyers about suing all the king's stone masons who built this wall.'

"Mr. Packard will sue you now."

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"The salary is excellent and the benefits are outstanding. So... which would you prefer?"

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

Suees and Sueers

Employee Benefits

"Incentive program, you mean like your paycheck?"

Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of an organization advocating the overthrow of the generous executive bonus system in corporations?

'What do you mean you want a pay rise??? You only work once a year!!!'

". . . You didn't have to pay for gas and electricity for five years! That's enough compensation, isn't it?"

Boardroom salaries

'Yes I am sure this isn't another FRIVOLOUS LAWSUIT!'

Boss in Office: 'We've had to recalibrate the bonus system - you now owe us five years worth of luncheon vouchers.'

'Do you want a salary or benefits?'

'The employees are angry because the company tennis courts are always busy!' 'LET THEM PLAY GOLF!'

"Since when did the bonus program default to passing the hat"

"Getting a year end bonus makes me feel like I'm paid fairly for at least this one pay period."