Compensation Plans Gifts

'He's got quite a crazy new compensation plan! An honest day's work for an honest day's pay!'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

'It's a treasure map.'

'This is your lucky day!'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"You should probably pass if they offer stock options."

"If I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!"

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

'There are some subjects that are off limits...CEO bonuses...Overtime pay...Business ethics...'

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Lawyer

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

"Mr. Packard will sue you now."

'I want to talk to all the king's lawyers about suing all the king's stone masons who built this wall.'

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"The salary is excellent and the benefits are outstanding. So... which would you prefer?"

Suees and Sueers

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

I'm beat! Was work too hard for you? I didn't notice you helping dig, haul, plant or water dad's nursery. Boo hoo! He paid you, didn't he? Yeah. But I'm too tired to spend it! Now I can help.

"Incentive program, you mean like your paycheck?"

Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of an organization advocating the overthrow of the generous executive bonus system in corporations?

Employee Benefits

'What do you mean you want a pay rise??? You only work once a year!!!'

Boardroom salaries

Boss in Office: 'We've had to recalibrate the bonus system - you now owe us five years worth of luncheon vouchers.'

'Yes I am sure this isn't another FRIVOLOUS LAWSUIT!'

". . . You didn't have to pay for gas and electricity for five years! That's enough compensation, isn't it?"

'Do you want a salary or benefits?'

'The employees are angry because the company tennis courts are always busy!' 'LET THEM PLAY GOLF!'

"Since when did the bonus program default to passing the hat"