Compensation Specialists Gifts

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

'It's a treasure map.'

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'This is your lucky day!'

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

"You should probably pass if they offer stock options."

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

"If I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!"

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

'Admit it,Oliver-you're getting old.'

'There are some subjects that are off limits...CEO bonuses...Overtime pay...Business ethics...'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'A sea view would be nice-Black Sea for him,Red Sea for me!'

I dread to think what he would have got had they made a profit.

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

Walk the dog.

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Lawyer

'I want to talk to all the king's lawyers about suing all the king's stone masons who built this wall.'

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

"Mr. Packard will sue you now."

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

Medicaid Expansion: "Better not take the risk, you never know when the well's going to run dry..."

"The salary is excellent and the benefits are outstanding. So... which would you prefer?"

Suees and Sueers

"Yes, we have managed care. We manage not to care."

"Do you further promise to love, honor and obey this insurance company and to disclose to it any pre-existing medical conditions?"

I'm beat! Was work too hard for you? I didn't notice you helping dig, haul, plant or water dad's nursery. Boo hoo! He paid you, didn't he? Yeah. But I'm too tired to spend it! Now I can help.

"Incentive program, you mean like your paycheck?"