Compensation Analyst Gifts

I'm beat! Was work too hard for you? I didn't notice you helping dig, haul, plant or water dad's nursery. Boo hoo! He paid you, didn't he? Yeah. But I'm too tired to spend it! Now I can help.

"If I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

'It's a treasure map.'

'Look at my huge salary as inspiration to you...'

Brilliant suggestion Kimble, to get rid of all the deadwood around here - we'll miss you.

"You should probably pass if they offer stock options."

Income inequality vs Income Diversity.

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

"I think you should provide a 401(k) with my allowance."

"Any questions regarding our financial incentive plan?"

"Can money buy happiness? Certainly not the amount I'm paying you."

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

"It's been a bit of a roller coaster year so far."

'...but if daddy raised your allowance he'd be hurting the economy by stimulating inflation. You wouldn't want him to do that, would you?'

'This is the part of my paycheck that goes to taxes.'

'There are some subjects that are off limits...CEO bonuses...Overtime pay...Business ethics...'

I dread to think what he would have got had they made a profit.

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

Economy - 'And this is where you took the day off to watch the cricket.'

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

'If I have to buy my sneakers with MY money, doesn't that blur the line between allowance and support.'

"Remind me, Simpkins. Did I fire you or not?"

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

'You've handled your allowance responsibly for three years so we're cutting it by three percent and requiring you to pay a share of your health care expenses.'

"Damn shareholders are objecting to 'grotesquely inflated' executive pay... They want us to settle for 'outrageously inflated'!"

'The good news is that our latest campaign has MASSIVELY improved understanding of the job status and prospects.'