Employee Benefits Analyst Gifts

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

Labor Day '19

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

"If I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!"

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"It's the boss's son, what can I do about it?"

'Not in here, stupid - I don't need to!'

Mitch learned beneath his conscious thoughts, he felt small,inadequate,desperately in need of strength,competence, power.

Walk the dog.

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'We're going to wander in the desert for forty years? What about portability of benefits?'

The Miracle Worker

"Remind me, Simpkins. Did I fire you or not?"

'Oh yeah, our people will just fall over themselves to get transferred to this office.'

'The good news is that our latest campaign has MASSIVELY improved understanding of the job status and prospects.'

I'm beat! Was work too hard for you? I didn't notice you helping dig, haul, plant or water dad's nursery. Boo hoo! He paid you, didn't he? Yeah. But I'm too tired to spend it! Now I can help.

Zero Employment = Zero Unemployment

'Sweet! Money to pay my health insurance premium!'

Retirement Suddenly Feels Kind of Moot

Companies are slashing employee health care and pension benefits. Cutting, slashing, trimming, eliminating. Look at them go. I feel like I'm watching a great athlete on tv. I'm so inspired! You're one odd duck. Rudy – come hither my overpaid dumpling!

'What's your threshold of pain when it comes to salary and benefits?'

Homeless trainee.

'I was replaced at work by some guy who smuggled himself in on a banana boat,'

"Of course I welcome criticism. Make it easy to identify the malcontents."

"Will I be covered by the same medical benefits plan?"

"I can't sit down. To prove my loyalty to the company I got branded."

"And what made you apply for this job besides our free dental care?"

'We considered offering health insurance, but it's cheaper to have taxpayers pick up the tab at hospital emergency rooms.'

"They're offering me comprehensive medical and full dental. Now if they just throw in a salary it'll be perfect!"