Benefit Analyzers Gifts

'What's your threshold of pain when it comes to salary and benefits?'

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Confirmation Bias

"Any questions regarding our financial incentive plan?"

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

The Pie Chart of Mystery

Your new salary is closely linked to profits - a smaller salary means more profits.

'All right, I want to know who's responsible for our profits no longer being obscene!'

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

"I might not know much about art... but I know what I like."

Creationist president: 'We have to cut the budget, so I'm keeping the astrologer, and letting thge astronomer go.'

"Because you always do that with your fingers."

Work stress.

'It's simple. First we look at the upside. Then we look at the downside. Then we look at the upside-down side.'

'With 13 holidays per year, 2 weeks sick leave, 2 coffee break each day, 4 weeks vacation a year, 80% of ife and health insurance, profit sharing, including various discounts and you still want a salary?'

Employee Benefits

'Can you make good money as a salesman for our company? Let's put it this way - look around you!'

'That's not really the business incentive I was looking for.'

New Improved Child Support Agency

"But this is what sexual harassment has cost us."

Los Ranchos Del Big Bucksville, Next 3 Exits...

'We considered offering health insurance, but it's cheaper to have taxpayers pick up the tab at hospital emergency rooms.'

"They're offering me comprehensive medical and full dental. Now if they just throw in a salary it'll be perfect!"

Bait for corporations.

First There Were Only Two. Then There Was a Third. Trouble Began.

"What's my take on it? All of it."

"I'm sorry Mr. Lewis, but recurrent ice cream headaches don't qualify you for disability."

"The first thing we need to do is straighten up this account."

'You can get a copy of our retirement and health plans at any social security office.'

'I don't believe in my belief system.'