Belief Analysers Gifts

'I don't believe in my belief system.'

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

Welcome: Skeptics Society

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

Confirmation Bias

'Is there a God? God knows...'

"I see a psychiatrist holding a Rorschach test."

'I want you to sit up front right by my desk. It's not because I want to keep an eye on you. It's a feng shui thing.'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

Religion, This End Up

"He's mad at God."

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"I believe it because I believe it and that's how I know it's true."

'So it wasn't b*****t after all.'

"Perhaps we should accept her invitation to church. Then ask the priest questions during the sermon."

"My religion is about love and tolerance! Got that, you stupid son of a bitch!?!

'He became a dissident Dissident in protest at the Dissidents.'

Venus Fly Trap

"Due to social distancing - all gods will be fake from home."

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

"Well... I don't believe in you either!"

"The irony is that I don't believe in hell."

'What's your threshold of pain when it comes to salary and benefits?'

"Before we eat, who would like to bow their head and proclaim they no longer believe in saying Grace?"

"If atheism is good enough for dogs, it's good enough for you."

"How can you be an atheist? There he is, right there!"

'Do you believe in reincarnation?'

Stranded Chickens meeting Fox,"Is this your dream or our nightmare?"

"I don't dislike you; I dislike your religion."

Door To Door Atheists

I could tell you why I became a pacifist, but then I'd have to kill you.