Religion Analyzer Gifts

"My religion is about love and tolerance! Got that, you stupid son of a bitch!?!

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

The World's Biggest Book Club

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

Confirmation Bias

'Psst, buddy -- Apocrypha!'

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"Just my luck."

Religion & Economics.

'Don't try to deny it, Jehovah - we've got witnesses.'

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

Intelligent Sexual Design

"How long has he been missing?"

Tree of Knowledge/Tree of Evolution

'If it's all the same to you, we'd prefer not to get involved.'

Religion, This End Up

'Of course I love her - but I'm not in love with her.'

"They're really more like a bucket list."

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

Vicar losing his place in the sermon.

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

Amish man looking at 'living in sin' greetings cards.

"Consititutionally there's no bar to marriage. I'm C. of E."

"Do you have a minute to talk about God?"

Don't get too close to Brother Jerome - he just baptized a Hun.