Religion Explorer Gifts

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?" "This just in" "1. Nobody - 2. A schmuck - 3. Maybe tomorrow."

Heaven- A Gated Community

"It's getting much harder for me to distinguish good from evil. All I'm certain about is what's appropriate and what's inappropriate."

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

Vicar losing his place in the sermon.

'Are those tablets PC-compatible?'

Displaying Christian symbol deemed offensive.

Silly questions to ask a Buddha....

Old Testament God vs New Testament God.

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

'If it's all the same to you, we'd prefer not to get involved.'

"The birth of Christianity? Down this corridor 2000 years."

'How are you, Bob? Why haven't we seen you in church lately?'

'I liberate them from Egypt, give them manna, daily bread, milk AND honey, and the can't even keep ten lousy commandments!'

'Is there a backup plan?'

The difference between an Israeli and an Israelite

Don't get too close to Brother Jerome - he just baptized a Hun.

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'Psst, buddy -- Apocrypha!'

'What about bugs!?'

Progressions.

I'm not sure asceticism is a relative concept Brother Michael

'It's God. The News of the World has hacked our telephone...'

'I understand about Adam and Eve and the Serpent, but who's this 'Forbidden Fruit' guy?'

"Is it true that my client was forced to say twenty Hail Marys after you coerced a false confession from him?"

"Just my luck."

"And today's special in the church parking lot is a car wash and baptism for $14.99."

Religion & Economics.

"No, I won't go out with you...I don't know you from Adam!"

"I strongly believe in the absolute literal reality of Noah's Ark."

'Class, you may have three minutes for prayer in your respective faith traditions. Timmy, you'll have to sacrifice the goat outside.'

"God has heard your prayers, and they are really starting to creep him out."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"I'm calling it 'Genesis.' It's part of a five-book contract."

Why 99.8% of Humanity is Damned