Salary Analysts Gifts

"This giant chunk of my salary goes to student loans, this chunk goes to malpractice insurance, and this giant chunk goes to taxes. All I'm asking is to increase this tiny sliver of actual free and clear income..."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

The day the stock market went UP.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Great Chinese Dynasties

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

The president's men

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

A fight in the Boardroom.

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."